This blog will serve to fulfil my resolution number two: write more, write every day – no excuses.
Resolution number one is to stick to any and all resolutions I make for 2015.
I don’t normally care for new year’s resolutions. I believe that any and all changes we seek to enact in life should be carried out right away, without the need for external reasons, excuses, or influences. However… I seem to be stuck in a rut and I sure could do with some jump starting.
The past year has flown by faster than I seem to be able to type. I know I did lots of things but none of any of them seem consequential. Ever since I failed to lift that darned project off the ground, the fog of a depression looming behind every corner of my otherwise happy life seems to have enveloped all of my desires and drives, and even the simplest of every day experiences. I don’t remember things anymore; events, dates, and important meetings escape me; who said that something that was in some way relevant to the point I was driving into this random monologue that seems to have no point besides that of feeding my ego with the impression that I am somewhat intelligent, quite cultured, and oh so well read?
Yeah, my memory is failing me. Without something to look forward to, nothing seems worth the effort.
I feel like a shadow of my carefree, loving, energetic self. I would shrink in shame if I were to run into a twenty something year old version of me. Yes, married – happily – and yes, I have my own house hidden away from the world, my own welcoming space. Oh yes, it’s lovely, and as I could have only dared to dream of. But no, I don’t remember what it feels like to not be afraid anymore.
And no, I don’t feel free anymore. Those wings that unfolded on that first solo trip across an ocean and a continent? Well, um, I seem to have misplaced them. You see, I was making a cup of tea, and, well, um, I don’t know where they’ve gone.
So, new year’s resolutions it is.
As I don’t have a (stable) job, and as my savings are dwindling, and as I seem to have lost most of the inner buzz that I always thought made me me, perhaps a list of activities, goals, and projects to stick to is not only good for my mind and body, it might also end up being beneficial to my relationships, my bank account, and the general colour of the world around me.
And as I know – from a lifetime of experience – that I do not have the willpower to carry out tasks that some obscure part of me suddenly decides are doomed in the middle of trying to accomplish them, I have opted for a public form of account. My beloved husband doesn’t really care what I do with my life as long as I am happy and good to him, so asking him to keep track of my progress might not only prove futile but also, perhaps, not so beneficial to our relationship. I have few friends whom I could burden with such a task, and I don’t really fancy involving my family into any of this, so, to the internet I turn…
Oh, and I’m quite comfortable in the knowledge that this blog will remain invisible to virtually all of the world’s surfers. And a blog allows me to log, categorise, and sort through all of the babble, add pictures and perhaps even some video.
So, without further due, the list:
1. Stick to every resolution, activity, project until January 1st 2016 – no matter what. If, for unforeseeable reasons, it is physically impossible to carry it/them out, do something that has something to do with it.
2. Write – every day. There is no excuse not to. Ideally here, but not necessarily.
3. Stretch, every day, with the goal of being able to do the splits by the end of the year. Touching my forehead to my knees while touching my toes would be a big plus!
4. Focus on the lower back and the knees. Take half an hour – each day – to do those simple exercises. You know you can!
5. Pole – at least twice a week.
6. Yoga – at least twice a week.
7. Shoot every day. It doesn’t have to be a work of art. Just do it… and share it! Oh, and
8. Learn photography. Yes, you’ve been at it for years, but you’ve never gone through the basics. Now’s the time!
9. Learn to code. Nothing fancy. Just brush up on old knowledge and expand it with, say, html5?
10. Learn a new language, or an old one. Spend 15 minutes every day with it. Or 2 hours one day of the week.
11. Take (any sort of) physical therapy lessons. This includes researching options and engaging in active learning about anatomy and different approaches to healing.
12. Use the video equipment. Nothing fancy, just get comfortable with it. Understand the basics and have fun.
13. Read a passage from a holy book every day – in front of a camera. Which reminds me… I need to get a version of the bible in English. And the Torah. And a book of scientology? Has anyone translated Buddhist scriptures into English?
14. Work on the CBB project. Do a poll and send it to everyone you know. Pick a product and do a sample page. Contact a company about it. By the end of 2015, know if it’s worth pursuing and then either go for it or abandon it without going mad about it. Life’s made for living, not for spending all your time doubting.
15. Call people. Don’t e-mail unless you need a written trail.
Yes, it’s a shitload of resolutions, but I’m not trying to reinvent the wheel. Just trying to get me going again. I can’t stand the idea of the rest of my life flying by like the past year, or two. Or, wait a second… more like the past four years.
The list will most probably be expanded as the days tick down to 2015, and that’s fine. But, come 23:59 on December 2014, that’s it! No more touchy-touchy!
The blog will help me see whether I’ve kept to my resolutions: I should have at least one entry from each item on the list for each week of the year. It might mean that I end up doing lots of things on Sunday, but you know what? That’s ok. That’ll mean that I’ve done something with my week.
I’m done with the beating-myself-up routine. I’ve been at it for long enough. Here’s to this coming year being a good one!
If I take it a week, even a day at a time, then it’ll just be that.
A great day.
Here’s to living, to learning, and to loving every second of it!
And here’s to great days! ❤